Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
