I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
her vagine was all disorganized.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
