How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize