Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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