Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
