He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Randomize
