About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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