You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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