She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
