I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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