Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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