I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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