lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
