we have pet lesbian snakes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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