I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
