Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
