I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
