you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
