Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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