I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
