kristin has been a bad kristin
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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