I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
