theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
