There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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