I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
