She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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