yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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