I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
