Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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