I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
