He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
