He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
