She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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