the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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