Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
