I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
