I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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