Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
