YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
