you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
