God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
