I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
