Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
