you guys were way drunker than both of me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
