i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
