KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So here I am, sexting at work.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
