apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
