You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
