hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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