U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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