dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
