the day after is always just damage control
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
