this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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