Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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