i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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