it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
