I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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