he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
