Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
