OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
