Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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