I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize