when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found your dick twin last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
