someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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