Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
