Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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