Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize