I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
