I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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