I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize