her vagine was all disorganized.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
