As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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