in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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