hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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