from now on my penis is your penis
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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