I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
third nipple confirmed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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