I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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