im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Couch. On fire.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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